Wammy Holidays
by whitetyger123
Summary: Stories about our fave Wammy residents. I will probably update every big holliday. For example, Christmas, Halloween, stuff like that. Please R&R!
1. Santa Suspitions

**Wammy Holidays**

**Christmas**

**Disclaimer: Tis the season to not own Death Note, Falalalala, lalalala. Deck the halls with Ryuk's apples, Falalalala, lalalala.**

The walky-talky crackled. 'Chocolate to White. I repeat, Chocolate to White. Over.'

'White here. Over.'

'Have you seen the target yet, White? Over.'

'Negative, Chocolate. Too much interference. Over.'

Lately, something had been bugging Mello. So, he enlisted the help of Near and Matt. This was going to be an interesting eighth Christmas for him.

'Keep your position. Over.'

A few minutes later, Matt's voice came on the walky-talky. 'Hey! Mello! I can see him, Mello!'

The older boy groaned. 'Matt! That's not my name! And end with over. Over.'

'Whatever. I see him! It's defiantly him. Big and red and everything.' When Mello didn't say anything, Matt added, 'Over.'

'Keep him in sight, Mario. Over.'

'I thought we agreed my name was Gamer. Over.'

Then Near started talking. 'I have sight of the target. Over.'

There was a stunned silence. Mello pushed the talk button. 'Mario, is your target in sight? Over.'

'Yes.'

'White, are you sure it's Santa?' Mello didn't even say Over.

'...Does Santa wear black eyeliner?'

'No.'

'Does he have black spiky hair sticking out of his hat?'

'...No.'

'It's not him, just L in a Santa suit.' They all let out a relieved sigh.

Just then, Mello got to the front of the line. His jaw dropped. Sitting in front of him was Santa!

Matt was with Santa. That wasn't physically possible, unless... 'White, Chocolate, I've just received confirmation. Our suspicions were correct. Over.'

So, the adults were trying to pull one over on them. Well, they had figured it out. The Santa's at the two malls near Wammy house were fake, and probably all over the world.

It made sense. Santa couldn't be all over the world in every single Mall in his busiest season. It just wasn't possible. But, what _was_ possible was that there was a special breed of elf that looked and sounded like Santa.

The plan was perfect, really. If kids wondered how he was everywhere at once, the parents just had to tell them it was magic. But, three kids between the ages of six and eight had figured it out. Of course, they were geniuses, so it wasn't that hard to do.

But none of that really mattered. What mattered was the fact that Santa had help. Mello smiled. Maybe one day _he_ could be a Santa helper...


	2. Be Mine

**Be Mine!**

**Disclaimer: If you think that I own DeathNote, I blame all that is pink and/or heart shaped that may pop up around this horrible season. Therefore, I will kill all pink hearty things. So, please, if you thought I owned DeathNote, tell me. I really want to kill pink hearty things.**

Mello went up to Matt. 'Do you know what tomorrow is?' He asked, his smile resembling that of the cat in Alice in Wonderland. Matt waited patiently for him to start disappearing, but it didn't happen.

'No, Mello, what is tomorrow?'

'A day to celebrate the amazing thing that was made by the heavens and has blessed us humans with its mighty power. Also known as chocolate. And tomorrow just happens to be February 14th.'

Matt looked at him blankly.

'Valentines Day! The day when we give _chocolate_ to everyone! Especially _me_!'

Matt rolled his eyes. 'Isn't it usually the _girls_ that get chocolate? Sometimes I wonder, Mello.'

Near came to sit beside the pair. In his hand was a pink action figure.

Mello smirked. 'Why do you have a pink doll?'

'It is not a doll, it is an action figure. And it was not my idea. Someone apparently is getting into the Valentines Day spirit. My newly-washed clothes also returned in this shade.'

Matt turned back to the game that was in his hand. But then he was interrupted by a blond girl. She had a pink card in her hand. 'Matt, I know Valentines Day is tomorrow, but I couldn't wait to give you this card.' She handed him the appalling piece of folded paper, and he took it gingerly. The blond girl walked away.

'Matt, it's not diseased. Read it!'

The red-head threw the pink abomination to the ground. 'I would rather not. I hate this Hallmark Holiday.'

Mello gasped. 'How could you hate a holiday centered around chocolate?'

'How could I hate a day with absolutely no significance that was made by card companies, chocolate companies, and girls that need an excuse to make their boyfriends buy them more stuff? I don't know. I guess I'm just weird that way.'

The supper bell rang. Down the heart covered hallways they walked, Matt tearing down every one he passed.

As soon as they entered the cafeteria, Matt almost fainted from shock. On every available surface there were things that were pink, red, heart shaped, frilly, lacey or just lovey dovey in general. After he recovered himself, he scowled and stomped over to the food, swiping a pink blob of something and a red flat thing. Mello looked at him strangely and grabbed the same thing.

Matt went over to the nearest table and crashed down onto the bench, Mello followed behind him, sitting down more gracefully. The girls on the other end of the bench giggled while the closest one blushed, a card in her hand. As the rest of the girls giggled more, she got up, passed the card to Matt and then ran away, her friends watching to see what Matt did. Matt looked down at the card with all the disgust one looks at a piece of raw liver with mold. In one fluid motion, he took the card and ripped it up. "I. Don't. Want. Another. Of. These. Damn. Things. Ever. Again." He said fuming. Across the room, another girl up and ran out of the room with a box in her hand. Mello called after her, "If that's chocolate I'll take it!!"

Matt growled and picked up his fork. Looking down at his plate, he let out a sigh.


	3. Green

**Green!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DN! I don't own green, either. But, if I did, I would rule the world! Not really... or maybe I would. I don't really know. I would have to talk to the person that actually owns the color green, then I would have to kill them and steal the deed so I **_**did**_** own green, because greens awesome. It doesn't even really matter if I get to rule the world or not. But if I did rule the world, I would take a page out of Mello's book and make Matt my queen... and look! I'm ranting like Mello in **_**Mello's ABC's**_**. Good story. You should read it!**

**I think that was the longest disclaimer I've ever written.**

A leprechaun was staring at Mello. 

'Why aren't you wearing green!' The little leprechaun bit him in the ankle.

Then he woke up. He looked down to see a little boy dressed entirely in green. He resembled the dream leprechaun. 'Why aren't you wearing green?'

Mello looked down at his completely black attire. Wait, was that...? No, it couldn't be... but it was. A bit of color on his outfit! Since when did these pants have an orange spot on them? He would have to change immediately. The pants would certainly be set on fire.

'Why aren't you wearing green?' The little boy persisted.

'Why would I wear green? It has absolutely no point. If I wear black, I look cool, and masculine.'

'But it's Saint Patties Day. Now I get to pinch you.'

The boy proceeded to pinch him. So did anyone he passed. When he reached Matt, he saw that he was receiving the same treatment. 'You didn't wear green either?'

'Isn't that kinda (ouch) obvious?'

'Well, (ouch) at least Near is probably (ouch) not wearing green, either.'

The albino in question walked around the corner. It seamed that his usual white outfit was swapped for a similar outfit, but entirely in green. 'I see you two were too stubborn to wear green. I suppose you will not change, either?'

Mello walked up to him. 'No! I refuse to (ouch) change. And neither will Matt.'

One Hour Later

'Matt! I thought you weren't going to change!'

Matt had on green goggles, a green and black stripped shirt, and lime green pants. 'The pinching was getting annoying. It was interfering with my winning Halo 2 for the eighteenth time.'

Mello walked away. Now, he was the only non-green-wearing person left. He was all alone.

All the pinching eventually tired him out, so he decided to lie down for a nap.

In his dream, the leprechaun came back. 'You still aren't wearing any green. Let me help you out with that.'

And, suddenly, Mello was a leprechaun. 'What did you do to me? Where did my black go?'

'Well, we think you need to get into the Saint Patrick's Day spirit. I will be your first leprechaun today, so just sit back, and watch the ride. I'm the leprechaun for Saint Patrick's Day past.'

Around them, Mello watched as their surroundings changed. They landed in a field. 'This is little Jimmy. He lived in Ireland. He was the only one in town that didn't wear green on Saint Patrick's Day. Everyone pinched him so much, he eventually caved in and wore green.

They next went to a busy town. 'You see that woman over there? She wore green on the wrong day, and forgot to wear it on Saint Patrick's Day. She was throne in jail for kicking everyone that pinched her.'

They went back to their original spot. Mello lifted an eyebrow. 'How's that supposed to make me feel better?'

'Well, it isn't. It's supposed to make you see that bad things happen to people if they don't wear green on Saint Patrick's Day. Now, I will take you to the leprechaun of Saint Patrick's Day present.' 

Before them appeared another leprechaun. 'Hello, Mello. O, wow! That rimes!' Mello noticed that this leprechaun looked like a small version of Matt. 'Well, I am the leprechaun of Saint Patrick's Day present. Let's go visit someone.'

So, they appeared in a room, with an old man in green. 'This is Saint Patrick.'

'Hello, Mello. Holy Cricket! That rimes! Anyway, my friends tell me that you don't have any Saint Patrick's Day spirit. Is that true?'

'Ya.'

'Well, perhaps that would change if you knew the story behind Saint Patrick's Day. Do you actually know why Saint Patrick's Day was started?'

'No.'

'That's too bad. I've wanted to know it for years.'

The leprechaun Matt gawked at Saint Patrick. 'How do you not know? You're Saint Patrick!'

'I am? That's interesting. When did this happen?'

Leprechaun Matt took Mello by the arm and said, 'Come on, this lesson's over. I'm taking you to the leprechaun of Saint Patrick's Day future.'

They came to the same place as before, but now a leprechaun Near was there. 'Nice to meet you, Mello. I am the leprechaun of Saint Patrick's Day future.'

'Good, you didn't use the Hello, Mello joke.'

'Well, let's go see the future.'

They came to a large building. Inside, sitting behind a large desk, was a much older Matt, wearing green. 'Why are you showing me Matt?'

'Well, I thought it would be good for you to see the future ruler of the world.'

'Ha! Matt can't rule the world. That's my job!'

'You wanted that job, yes. You even got that job, for a month or two. But, as soon as Saint Patrick's Day came around, you said that there wasn't going to be a Saint Patrick's Day anymore. Ireland didn't like that, so they rose up against you. Because Matt wore green on Saint Patrick's Day, they made him ruler of the world.'

'No! It can't be! It can't be!'

He was still saying 'It can't be!' when he woke up. Then, he immediately went to his room and stole something green from Matt. He would do anything to be ruler of the world.


	4. Chocolate Hunt

**Chocolate Hunt**

**Sorry, I was going to update this earlier, but my mom hid some chocolate on me. Of course, I had to look for it, and she's a really good hidder. Long story short, after an hour she told me where it was, and I had to go to work. So, I'm posting this now. It's still Easter!**

'Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt!'

'WHAT?'

'It's Easter! Let's go look for chocolate!'

Matt looked at his clock. 'It's 12:01. Go back to bed.'

Mello frowned. 'But the little kids will get it all before me.' He wined more then a baby!

Matt had to think of something to say. He sure wasn't getting up this early. 'Well, the Easter Bunny probably is just hiding them now, and if you catch him, he won't leave any chocolates. So we'd better wait till...'

'What do you think I am? Five? I know there's no Easter Bunny. But, you do have a good point. I mean, what if we catch the person hiding them? They might not give me chocolate...'

So with that, Mello went back to bed.

'Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt!'

'_WHAT?'_

'Can we go look for it now?'

Mello had been told to wait till it was light out, and the rooster had just crowed. Matt knew that Mello wouldn't let him sleep anymore, so he agreed.

When they got to the common room, they found Near there. Did he even go to sleep?

Mello looked at him accusingly. 'What are _you_ doing here?'

'Making a card castle.'

Mello glared at him a second longer, but remembered that there were more important things to do. Looking under a mattress, he found a lot of lint, but no chocolate. Then, an amazing thing happened.

'Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt!'

'_**WHAT?**_'

'I found a chocolate map! The Easter Bunny Impersonator must have left it here for me!'

Near looked over at him. 'Mello, that isn't a chocolate map.' He said calmly.

'You just don't want me to find it! You want all the chocolate to yourself! Well, you can't have it! No, no, no, no, no! It's MINE!' He then ran off down the hallway, dragging Matt behind him.

'Ok, it says to go this way. And then, we go... this way, and then I think we go this way...'

'Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt!'

'_**WHAT?**_'

'I think we go this way.'

An hour later, Matt and Mello found themselves... right back where they started.

'I don't understand, I went where it told me to go...'

Near stood up to put his Lego back. 'I told you, that's not a map.'

For the first time, Matt looked at the chocolate map. 'Mello! This whole time we've been following a Snakes and Ladders board game!'


	5. Fooled you!

Fooled You

**Fooled You!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. Also, the only holiday I own is Saint Whitetyger123 day (August 15****th****, if anyone is interested).**

**9:12**

Mello stormed into Matt's and his room. He found said roommate playing video games. 'Matt! Do you know what tomorrow is? It's April Fools! We haven't planned anything yet!'

Matt stared at his best friend in shock. He was so shocked, his person ran right into a pit of death. Running to his calendar, he checked, and, sure enough, it was March 31st. 'What will we do?'

'What _can_ we do?'

After several hours, here are some of the ideas they came up with.

First Idea:

Tell everyone they were now dating. Walk around holding hands all day, and make kissy faces. At one point, they would have a traumatic break up, with which Matt would run to Near for comfort, and Mello would run to L.

Idea was thrown out because of complications; namely, people actually would think forever more that the two of them had come out of the closet.

Second Idea:

Matt could walk around with a cast on his arm, saying that Mello broke it. Later, Mello would show up with black eye, gotten in the fight. When asked what it was about, they would say 'Love triangle'. Matt would attempt to throw a punch, Mello would duck, and Matt's fist would hit a wall, instead, and break the other hand as well.

Idea was thrown out because they didn't know where to get a cast at this time of night, and the nurse had a grudge against them (due to last years April Fools). Also, if they said 'Love triangle', people might think they meant another man, and the same problem as the First Idea would arise.

Third Idea

Mello tell everyone he was pregnant.

Idea was thrown out for obvious reasons.

Fourth Idea:

Mello would run out into the hallway, covered in blood. Inside the room would be the dead body of Matt, who would jump up when there was at least ten people in the room. He would then appear to be a zombie, until someone remembered what day it was.

Idea was thrown out because they were at an orphanage for geniuses; chances were slim they would fall for it.

Fifth Idea:

Walk around with their heads in their shirts so as to look like they were headless.

Idea was thrown out because it was more of a Halloween costume then an April Fools prank.

Sixth Idea:

Coloring over Nears face with permanent markers. Tell everyone not to tell him about it. Wasn't much of an April Fools prank, but it would be fun, non the less.

Idea thrown out because they had never actually seen Near asleep. This was a rare occurrence that they had heard about once or twice, but remained a mystery to them.

Seventh Idea:

Run around naked and crow like a rooster whenever someone turned on a light. Obviously, they were getting desperate at this point.

Idea was thrown out because they had eventually fallen asleep. It was midnight, after all.

**12:01**

April Fools had officially started. The door creaked open to reveal a face. All the face saw was two sleeping boys, one blond and the other a red-head. Just as planned.

**7:56**

'Matt, wake up.'

The gamer opened his eyes and peered at Mello. 'What time is it?'

'That doesn't matter! What does matter is, we still don't have a prank!'

**10:23**

They still had no ideas. Getting hungry, they decided to venture out of their room and get some food. But, as they entered the hall, they heard nothing. No one was there.

'Probably all eating.'

Matt agreed and followed the blond. Along the way, they met not a soul. They started getting suspicious.

It went past suspicion when the cafeteria was empty.

'Someone is trying to prank the pranksters, Matt.' He walked to the front, but saw that there was no food. 'Oh well, I have some chocolate in our room. They have to learn to actually prank someone if you want to pull a prank.'

'What else do you think they will do?' Matt adjusted his goggles.

'Huh?'

'Well, just leaving us here alone isn't a very good prank. Now, if they made us think something like we were the last people on earth, or maybe everyone is actually dead.'

Mello thought about that for a while. 'Well, let's just go back to the room.' Unless that was what they wanted him to do. It would just be like everyone here. But, they would plan that he would think like that... so maybe they planned something for him to _not_ go back to his room.

Matt went to the closet and went to open it. 'Wait! Something must be in there! They can't fool me. Ha! Trying to prank the King Prankster!'

Matt shook his head. 'Whatever. I'll just go back to the room, then.'

'You can't go back there! Let's go outside. A walk will be good. They couldn't have set traps out there.' They went out into the yard, but Mello stopped before going close to a tree. 'Someone could be hiding behind that tree.'

Behind the orange lenses, Matt rolled his eyes. 'Mello, you're getting paranoid.'

**5:18**

Supper time found Mello locked in the smallest stall in the smallest bathroom.

Which was about the same time that everyone came back.

Of course, Mello didn't come out for another hour or two. They weren't gonna get him, no matter what.

**7:47**

The albino looked under the stall and smiled. 'Happy April Fools, Mello. Oh, by the way, why did you and Matt miss the field trip today?' His laugh as he left the bathroom was unmistakably evil.

So, no one could prank the prankster. Not one. He knew every trick in the book, and therefore knew what to avoid. Nope, no one could trick the prankster.


	6. Jeans, jeans, the magical fruit

Jeans, Jeans, the magical fruit

**Jeans, Jeans, the magical fruit**

Mello sat down on the couch. He wondered for a second if the mafia had stolen it, but decided he didn't really care. Besides, he pretty much knew the answer. It was the mafia, after all. He couldn't picture Rod Ross in a furniture store choosing which color would go best with the décor.

Speaking of Rod, Mello noticed that he was wearing jeans. 'What's with the pants?' He had never seen the huge muscular guy wear denim before.

'It's _Wear Your Jeans to Work_ day. Didn't you know?'

Mello looked down at his skin tight black leather pants. Defiantly not denim. He didn't want the same thing that happened on Saint Patrick's Day to happen again, so he said he was going out for some chocolate. It was a good cover. He could be gone for hours and they wouldn't notice.

...

An hour later, Mello was throwing a tantrum in Wal-Mart's change room. After he chucked the pair of pants out of the stall, he picked up his phone. L wore jeans, didn't he?

**A/N I **_**know**_** this doesn't go with the timeline, but just play along. **

'Hey, L? Yeah, it's me, Mello. I was hopping you could come to Wal-Mart and meet me here.'

About an hour later (which is pretty reasonable, considering L was in Japan, and Mello was in the U.S.) L showed up.

'Mello! Still have the same hair style, I see.' They then proceeded in looking for a pair of jeans for Mello. But, he quickly saw this wasn't going to work out. L always picked pants that were so faded, they were almost white. Not a good look for Mello, it turned out.

'Well, thanks, L. You helped out allot.' Mello waited for L to catch him on lying, but it didn't happen. L was too preoccupied. Apparently, Light had asked him to pick him up some pens, and L's mind was already on the task ahead.

So was Mello's.

'Matt! Good, you picked up. Listen, I need help.'

Twenty minutes later (he was only in England) Matt came to Mello's rescue. He went immediately to the skinny section and picked out a skin tight pair of dark jeans. Perfect.

...

Back at the mafia layer, Mello walked in, wearing the tight jeans. Saint Patrick's Day wouldn't be happening again.


	7. Poetry at its Worst

Poetry at its Worst

**Poetry at its Worst**

**Disclaimer: Note own not I Death do.**

**Ok, I wanted to write another chapter, but I needed a holiday. So, I went on Google and found that May 12 is Limerick Day. I'm not sure if it's actually true, but I'm writing this anyway.**

There was an Old Man who supposed,

That the street door was partially closed;

But some very large rats,

Ate his coats and his hats,

While that futile old gentleman dozed.

Matt recited the poem to Mello. 'It's Limerick Day, you know.' He then recited another one.

There was an Old Man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a Bee;

When they said, 'Does it buzz?'

He replied, 'Yes, it does!'

'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'

Mello frowned. 'Are you going to be doing that all day? Because if you are I'll go away. It's really annoying, this playing and toying, with words you know not anyway.' He stopped himself. It was infecting him!

Matt smiled at the fact that Mello had made a limerick without even trying.

There was a Young Lady whose eyes,

Were unique as to colour and size;

When she opened them wide,

People all turned aside,

And started away in surprise.

'Do you have one that doesn't say if the person is old or young?'

'Umm... there is this one.

There once was a fellow named Tim

Whose dad never taught him to swim.

He fell off a dock,

And sunk like a rock,

And that was the end of him.

'Well, that was a little morbid. But, it didn't say anything about his age.' Mello started walking away. But, before he got very far, he turned around. 'Did you know there is a town named Limerick?'

Matt seemed curious. 'I wonder if everyone speaks in rhymes. Must be hard to keep up with the times. Every day and night, everyone might. But right now I want some limes.'

**So, that was my story for Limerick Day. I hoped you liked it. And, now for one of my very own limericks.**

**There once was an evil man named Light.**

**He hated people who liked to fight.**

**So one day,**

**He decided to say,**

**I will kill you all with my might**

**...y death note that rules all and I will be the God of this world and you will all bow down to my super cool power of writing.**

**How is that for a limerick?**


	8. Daddy

Daddy

**Daddy!**

**Disclaimer: Ya, like I own DN. I also own the moon, Princess Diana, and Barney. And, if I owned Barney, I would have to kill myself. So, ya.**

**I would have written a story for Mothers Day, but they don't even have a mother figure, so it would be really difficult. So I decided to just write a Father's Day one instead. I will make a reference to Mother's Day, cause I'm just that special. So, here it goes!**

Mello walked up to L and handed him a card. 'What is this for?'

'Well, it's Father's Day.'

'But, Mello, I am not your father.'

Mello looked like he was going to cry. 'But, I don't have a father. And I thought that you were like a father to me, so I could give you a card, because I think you deserve it.' L looked at Mello. 'Should I have given you a Mother's Day card instead?'

'But I am not your mother, either. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to take this, under the circumstances.' And he handed the card back to Mello. Worst Return To Sender ever.

He walked away, barely keeping himself from crying. When he got into his room, he got a bucket of Ice Cream and ate it, like any good girl would.

When Matt came in and asked him why he was crying, Mello said, 'I'm not crying. There is asteroid dust in the atmosphere, and it has reacted with the clouds, making them rain in other parts of the world, so that it doesn't rain here, and that is making my eyes dry, so they water so that they don't shrivel up and die. How could you think I was crying?'

Matt almost bought that answer. But he let it slide. 'Mello, I have something for you.' He then pulled out a Father's Day card. 'I think of you as a father, and it's Father's Day, so I thought I would get you this. I hope you like it. I almost got you a card for Mother's Day, but I knew that you would feel offended and get all defensive.'


	9. Labor Kills

**Labor Kills**

**Disclaimer: I believe that hard work is bad for the soul. And making a manga would be extremely hard, so I obviously didn't do it. And, my plan to kidnap Tsugumi Obha and Takeshi Obata while wearing a mask, and then save them so they give me the rights as thanks isn't going too well right now. I can't even get a mask, never mind a plane ticket to Japan.**

**Yay! Another holiday to write about! I've never realized before how there is such a large span in the summer without any holidays. But, now it will all start again. Yay!**

Mello was uncharacteristically happy. Matt was uncharacteristically curious. And the author is uncharacteristically awed by how long uncharacteristically is to write.

'What's up, Mel? You're happy. It's kinda scary.'

'Well, today is Labor Day. And that means that people who celebrate stupid holidays like this can't wear white after this. And, Near celebrated Saint Patrick's Day, so that means he should celebrate this, too. So, now he can't wear white for a while.'

The aforementioned albino appeared behind them. 'Actually, Mello, I do not have to celebrate this idiotic holiday. Unlike Saint Patrick's Day, Labor Day is not widely celebrated. It is true that people cease work on this day, but that is simply because they wish to have a day off, not because of any particular religious or sentimental purpose. Therefore, there is no reason for me to wear a different color after this day.'

Mello glared at him. Near walked away, letting the blond to vent to his friend. 'Stupid Near, thinks he's all that. Well, I celebrate Labor Day. I never wear white, because that would be disrespectful to the people who created Labor Day. I'm so respectful to the people who created Labor Day that I _never _wear white. It gets dirty. Who would want to wear white, anyway?'

Venting finished, Mello figured out a plan to get Near to not wear white for at least one day. 'It's for the good of the world.' He reasoned.

So, he got three balloons and filled them with dye. One blue, one red, and one yellow. The blue one he threw at Near. It just bounced off of him, landed on the ground and exploded there. Oh well, the other two would work.

He took the red one and went up on the roof. Once Near went outside, he would drop it.

The problem was, Near didn't go outside.

Mello saw a white head of hair and dropped the balloon, realizing a little too late that it was Roger. Oops. Mello ran away before the old red-covered man could see who had done it.

So, he was left with the yellow balloon.

Since the simple methods didn't work, Mello tried a complicated method next. He made a small bomb and a detonator and taped the bomb to the balloon. He calculated that the bomb was only enough to pop the balloon. He put it under Near's chair for his next class.

Near sat down, and Mello pushed the button on the detonator. The balloon exploded, but because it was under the chair the only bit that got on Near was a small yellow dot on the bottom of his pant leg. But Mello smiled nonetheless. He had succeeded!


	10. Arrr Maitee

**Arrr, Maitee**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, and I'm not a pirate!**

A nine-year old Matt and a ten year-old Mello ran through the halls of Wammy's House, patches over their eyes and fake swords in their hands. 'I told ye ter swab the deck, so ye swab the deck!' Mello yelled out in perfect Pirate.

'Swab yer own deck, Cap'n!' They ran over a small, pale boy. 'Sorry, Near!'

They ran past Roger's office, still sword fighting. Roger grabbed them both by the collar of their shirts. 'And what do you think you're doing?'

'Arrr, it's talk like a pirate day, and me an' me cew arrr just doing our civil duty, sir.' Mello wrestled out of the old mans grasp and stabbed Matt in the heart.

'Arrr! Ye got me!' The red-head pirate fell down, clutching his chest.

Just then, a parrot flew over their heads. Mello playfully kicked Matt. 'Get up, ye useless bag of scum. There's a parrot we need ter be catchin'!'

So, the two pirates started chasing the parrot. 'Squawk squawk! Weirdoes! Squawk!' So, the parrot could talk. 'Squawk! Scurvy! Swab the deck! Polly wants a cracker! Squawk!' It flew up to the rafters and sat down.

'Get ye ladder, crew Matt. We need that parrot!'

But, by the time that Matt got the ladder, the parrot was already gone. 'Where did 'e go, Cap'n?'

'The darn parrot is now in the hair of me enemy. The white terror.' He was, of course, referring to Near. The parrot was currently talking to the albino.

'Squawk, man overboard! Squawk, walk the plank!' He ruffled his feathers, looking quite content to stay on Near's head.

'Looks like I'm more of a pirate, according to him. Sorry, Mello. I guess you would be second best pirate, though.'

Mello's face turned so red with fury, he matched Matt's hair. 'No, _I'm_ the best pirate, and I'll prove it to you!' He had a momentary laps in pirate talk, but quickly remembered. 'Follow, buccaneer Matt, and we shall prove who are being the best pirate! To yer stations!'

So, Matt and Mello went to their 'stations' to 'battle' Near for top pirate. Matt went to his and Mello's room and got Mello's hat and fake peg-leg. Mello had been a pirate for last Halloween, so it worked out perfectly. Near never dressed up for Halloween, so there was no chance of him having a pirate costume.

Mello got some crackers from the lunch lady and went over to the parrot, still in Near's hair.

'Arrr, Polly want a cracker?' So the parrot flew over to Mello, to retrieve the cracker. After he ate it, he returned to his nest of white, curly hair.

'You will need to better than that, Mello. Maybe you should get a different parrot.'

'No! I will get _that_ parrot! He will be mine!' Realizing that he had once again neglected to speak pirate, Mello added 'Arrr!'

Near shook his head. 'Why do you have to turn everything into a contest?'

Mello, of course, took that as a provocation. 'Why do _you_ turn everything into a contest?' He felt proud for the comeback. It may have meant nothing to Near, but it meant everything to the blond.

Matt came back with the hat and peg-leg. Mello smiled victoriously as he put them on. The parrot looked at him, and appeared to be curious. He fluttered over, but Mello stumbled on the peg-leg, so the parrot left and went back to Near.

Mello decided that he could come up with a better way of getting the parrot to come to him. He went to the cafeteria and asked for all their berries and fruits and put them in a bag. He went to Near and the parrot and opened the bag of fruit.

At first the parrot tilted its head, then it flew over to the bag. But, when Mello made a grab for him, the parrot flew away, out of the window. Both the blond and the albino watched it fly away. Then Near shrugged. 'I guess we tie for best pirate, then.'

**Ok, I'm sorry that this wasn't the best, but it was kinda last minute. Just yesterday I saw a note I had made to myself reminding me that I have to write a story for Talk Like A Pirate Day. **

**So, my step-father's birthday is also today. Cool, eh? I wish my birthday was on Talk Like A Pirate Day.**


	11. Trick or Treat

**Trick or Treat… and don't you DARE pick trick! I want treats you idiots! Give me chocolate NOW!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but I do own the universe****, so I kinda do own Death Note by default. Hey! That means I also own Uranus hahahahahahahah!**

**So, it's just me and schoolgirl-cheesesculpture hanging out and writing, and we are really hyper because of all the candy we got trick or treating, so we have candy and you don't!!!!! Moihahahahahahaha! But we had to sing TWICE! I think we scared the people. Anyway, I'm gonna actually start the story now, sooooooo……**

"You're one sick pumpkin, Mello.'

'What? I was just suggesting what you should do with your…'

'MELLO! There are little kids! Dressed up exactly like you are! Why did you dress up like a pumpkin in the first place?'

Mello and Matt were, as you probably guessed, trick or treating. Mello was dressed up like a pumpkin, and Matt was a vampire. 'I dressed up like this because it was the only thing I could find. Stupid Value Village didn't have anything left. I hate that store.'

'Maybe you shouldn't go looking for a costume on Halloween. Trick or treat!'

The lady at the door's smile wavered when she saw Mello. But, nevertheless, she still gave them candy and said, 'Well, aren't your costumes… cute.'

She instantly regretted saying that when she saw the look on Mello's face. 'Cute? Are you calling me _cute_? A puppy is cute! Are you calling me a puppy?! I'm not a freaking puppy! Now, give me all the candy, or feel the wrath of the Giant Pumpkin!'

Pale-faced, she dumped the whole bowl of candy into Mello's treat bag. After that, she was never home again for Halloween.

Laughing manically, the Giant Pumpkin walked to the next house.

'Mello, sometimes you scare me. I don't know why you're allowed in public.'

'I'm allowed in public because I'm so sexually appealing that they would all die a thousand horrible deaths if this face and body was kept away from the general public. So, every time I go out in public, you could say that I'm doing everyone a favour, so they should be able to tolerate the threats I make in the sake of gaining candy.'

At the next house, the man was smart enough to not comment on Mello's costume, but he was stupid in the sense that he gave out only suckers… no chocolate.

Mello looked in his bag, looking for the chocolate that was sure to magically appear. The man couldn't be handing out only suckers. That would be madness!

'So, where's the rest?'

'The… rest?' The man looked confused. Obviously he had never met Mello before.

'Yes, the rest. You can't be handing out suckers. There must be chocolate. Nothing is complete without chocolate. Chocolate makes the world goes round. Right round. Like a record baby, right round round round. Anyway, give me chocolate or else I'll kill you. And, if I'm really pissed, I'll kill your family, too. With a blow torch. And a carefully selected pair of tweezers. Possibly with a pin, but only if there is a sowing machine in the room. Chocolate?'

"Ummm… I think I have a chocolate bar in the house.' He went quickly to get the chocolate, but he never returned. A month from that point, the families closest friends and family got an untraceable letter saying that the family was in Antarctic, and they would probably never be seeing them again, so don't even bother trying to find them again or question weather they were still alive.

The next house was empty, so Mello did the usual thing… and egged it. The people living there would be enraged, but ironically it was better this way. If they had answered the door, they probably would all have needed years of expensive psychotherapy.

Just when they were about to leave, a sexy nurse started hitting on Matt. That is, until she saw the look Mello gave her. After that, she kept away from the redheaded vampire and his large pumpkin friend.

The next house they came up to was completely white, excluding the black words all over it that said JUSTICE over and over again. Matt knocked on the white door. An old man answered the door. 'Watari?'

'Hello, Matt and Mello. I'm terribly sorry to tell you that Ryuzaki has eaten all the candy I bought for the kids. Do you want ramen instead?'

Mello thought it over. 'Well, normally I would kill you for not having candy, but since it's L, I guess it's fine. Bye Watari!'

'Mello, can we go home now? I have a Halloween game I want to try out.'

'Only if you buy me enough chocolate to fill my bag.'

Matt shrugged. 'Whatever.' So the only other people that were permanently scarred by Mello that night were the people on the bus, the people in the store, the people on the other bus, and everyone in Wammy's House.

**Sorry I didn't update actually on Halloween! Our candy high wore off****, at about midnight. So, we decided to go to sleep, eat more candy when we woke up, and got a whole other new (and better) sugar high! So, if my inner holiday calendar is correct, the next holiday will be Christmas, and that will mean that this has gone on for a whole year (gasp!). If you all want me to keep going for another year, just tell me.**

**Thanks for reading ands staying with me through a whole year.**


	12. Christmas Caper lives!

**Christmas Caper Lives**

**Disclaimer: Dear Santa, for Christmas, I want nothing other than to own Death Note, because until that happens, I still have to put these stupid disclaimers! (I wonder if you can say stupid in your letter to Santa?)**

**Merry Christmas everyone! Or the politically correct version, happy holidays. So, when I post this, it will have been a whole year! Wow, can you believe it? So, I will continue in the new year, trying my very best to bring you funny seasonal stories about our favorite Wammy's trio! Of course, I think they are about the only Wammy trio we know...**

Roger stared in horror at the calendar. Yup, two days away from the nightmare he was sure to face. Two days away from the worst day of the year.

It wasn't that he was Scrooge or anything. No, Roger had a very good reason to hate Christmas. Two good reasons, in fact. They had names. Matt and Mello.

It had started with harmless pranks. Putting green food dye in the mashed potatoes and telling everyone that it was boogers. Using fake skulls as Christmas tree ornaments. Painting blood on all the Santa Clauses. But, for the last couple years, it had gotten worse. Much, much worse.

Two years ago, they had taken their knowledge from their chemistry class and somehow made the turkey explode. Last year, they glued the tree to the roof, and set a small fire so the sprinklers came on. To say the least, Roger was afraid.

.oOo.

The day started off quite normal. Of course, that only lasted for a half an hour. Once Roger set foot out of his room, he knew that this would be worst than the last years. On the wall right across from his door, there was, in red and green letters, the words CHRISTMAS WILL ROCK!

Roger sighed. No, of course he wasn't going to get a restful Christmas. Why would the stupid kids ever let him have that? He actually hated most of the kids here. Near wasn't as bad as most of them, because all he did was quietly play with all his toys, which were mostly quiet, unlike Matt's constantly beeping games and Mello's torturing. But the fact still remained that Near was a kid. Why oh why was he in charge of kids?

So, like a man walking to his own execution, Roger started his day. First thing was to get the kids all together so they could open presents. He shuddered, remembering when, one year, Matt and Mello had changed all the name tags so all the presents were for themselves. But, those were the innocent days of their childhood.

The bigger kids helped with getting all the young ones to gather around the tree. He was relieved to see that there were no... obscene ornaments this time.

For once, they had no major catastrophes while opening presents. Nothing jumped out of the presents for the small kids, nothing exploded, and there were no injuries. But Roger knew it would come. Matt and Mello would find a way to make his life more horrible than it already was.

He let the kids go back to their rooms to play with their toys. He expected to hear yelling and things breaking, but it was no louder than it usually was. So he helped get breakfast ready.

When it was, Roger was sure not to let either Matt or Mello near it until it was ready to be eaten. No reindeer poop in _these_ eggs! The kids were called down, and he waited for the two headless Santas that were sure to appear. But, it was not two headless Santas, but simply the normal Matt and Mello. Roger started to get suspicious. They were being much too good. They must be planning to lour him into a false sense of security so that he wouldn't suspect anything. They may be geniuses, but he had been dealing with geniuses much longer than they had been dealing with him.

Breakfast went without a problem, which only heightened Roger's sense of foreboding.

The old man was walking through the halls, looking in on the kids to see how they were doing. He turned the corner and ran into Mello. 'Aha! I knew you were up to something! Just give up now and I won't punish you and Matt too harshly.'

Mello lifted an eyebrow. 'I'm going to the bathroom, so if you could just let me go around.' He dodged Roger and continued down the hallway. Roger sighed. This was not going to be easy.

After lunch was finished, Roger wished he could just stop time, because surely there was going to be something at supper. He double checked the turkey for explosives, even knowing that they would never redo a prank.

The mashed potatoes were their normal color, as were all the rest of the food. The table had no holes in it which they could put their hands through and scare everyone. No chairs had their legs sawed half way through so that when someone sat down they would collapse.

Perhaps they actually weren't going to do anything... no, no, no, he couldn't think like that! He had to be strong! They wanted him to think like that. Instead, Roger started thinking of what he was going to do to them when they did something.

But there was always the small, hopeful voice in the back of his head saying _maybe it will all be ok_. He couldn't totally ignore it, so he told himself that if nothing happened at dinner he would start hoping. If the ceiling fan didn't fall off and start chopping up the food. If they didn't have to eat on the roof for some unexplainable reason. If Near didn't somehow end up as the star on the top of the tree.

.oOo.

Roger slumped against the wall. He couldn't believe it. How could this be possible? Had this ever happened before? Sure, you saw this kind of things in movies, but in real life?

Nothing had happened. All supper, he had been sitting, hands gripping the seat, waiting. But absolutely nothing had happened.

Maybe the two pranksters had finally grown up; seen the errors of their ways.

Not a second after he had thought that did Roger burst out laughing. He was thinking about the two worst kids in the school! They could never do something like that. Once pranksters, always pranksters.

But he could come up with no better explanation. Not one prank all day? They would have done something by now, even if it was only a simple prank.

He went to bed, trying to keep one eye open. But, eventually he fell asleep.

For some reason, Roger was woken up during the night. He looked at his clock. 11:55. That meant it was still that dreadful day.

In a few seconds, he knew what had woken him up. There was another big BOOM outside. He opened the curtain, and almost fainted. Between two trees there was a giant picture of Santa in all black with orange goggles on his face. He was smoking, and there were real red fireworks going off in front of him, so it painted him in blood-like red. Then there was a glow from the grass. A fire had started!

It soon died down, leaving the lawn scarred. The next firework lit up what it said. THE CHRISTMAS CAPERS LIVE ON


	13. Resolute Resolutions

**Resolute Resolutions**

**Disclaimer: My New Years Resolution is to never write another disclaimer. Oops, too late. Maybe next year.**

**So, it's officially 2009, people! This is the year that Mello asks Matt to help him out!!! So, have a great year, and be sure to have a lot of Death Note-ness! P.S. sorry it's so short.**

Matt celebrated the New Year by playing a game. Surprise! His New Years resolution was to play (and win) every single game for Xbox 360 that came out.

Roger made the exact same resolution every year – to never see or hear another child again. Obviously, he failed.

Mello's New Years resolution was to kill Near, because then he would automatically be better than him, because then he would still be alive, and Near would be DEAD!!!!!!

Near was sitting, playing with his toys. Mello, setting up a trap he was sure would work, walked up to Near. 'Hey, Near. So, what's your New Years resolution?'

Near blinked. 'What is the point of doing a New Years resolution? It would be no less affective if you made a resolution on any other day.'

Mello walked away, defeated. Matt saw his face and asked what was the matter (although he said it in much more gamer-y terms). 'My plan didn't work! I though for sure that his New Years resolution would be to try to eat a lot of dangerous chemicals!'


	14. The Grinch That Stole Valentine's

**The Grinch That Stole Valentine's**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Death Note. Nor do I own Cupid, but for that, I am glad.**

**So, yet another Dooms Day. Quick, run and hide while you still have the chance! Maybe you can escape the fluffy, pink, lovey dovey things! By writing this chapter, it's obviously too late for me! But, don't worry. This story is all about the thing I suspect we all want most... DEATH TO VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!**

Mello was walking down the hallway, excited for the day. Just as the year previous, he loved Valentine's Day. It meant getting chocolate! He hummed quietly to himself until he rounded the corner.

There sat Near, putting together yet another puzzle, with a girl talking to him. But, that wasn't what made him stop. The thing that made him stop was what she was giving him. A heart shaped box of chocolate!

.oOo.

The door to their room burst open, and in walked a fuming Mello. 'Matt, we have to kill Valentine's Day.'

Matt reached under his bed and pulled out a black video game gun with a very gruesome picture of Cupid being stabbed by his own arrow, right through his eye. 'I'm ready.'

Mello laid out a large sheet of paper on the bed with drawings and details on it. 'So, here's the plan.'

About an hour later, they were finished talking about The Plan. Now it was time to put the plan into action. Mello opened the door from their room and stepped outside. Unfortunately, there was a man on a ladder outside, painting the walls. The door opening surprised the man, and a can of green paint fell on Mello's head. Matt laughed, seeing a completely green Mello.

Determined to accomplish The Plan, Mello refused to take the time to have a shower until after Valentine's Day was truly ruined.

The first part of The Plan started. This consisted of kidnapping all of the chocolate. Matt had pointed out that they were just stealing it, not kidnapping it, but Mello started ranting about how chocolate was from the Gods and therefore should be treated as such. From then on, Matt referred to chocolate as he would a human.

There was quite a lot of chocolate that they had to kidnap. Matt suspected that Mello had alternate motives for kidnapping the chocolate, but he didn't say anything for fear of another long rant.

They started taking chocolate from the little kids. 'Hehehe, like taking candy from a baby.' Mello laughed manically. Matt didn't point out that that was exactly what they were doing. A couple of the kids called Mello the Grinch, because of the green paint and the evilness.

Phase two of part one commenced. Kidnapping from the bigger kids.

.oOo.

A mob of people walked up to Near, who was putting together another puzzle. He didn't notice them until one of them spoke up. 'Near, you have to stop Mello! He's ruining Valentine's!'

Near didn't look up from his puzzle. 'Why should I?'

'Because you're the only one that can beat him!' one of the boys in the back answered. 'Also, I have this Cupid outfit that only you can fit into.'

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. 'Why do you have a Cupid outfit?'

He shivered. 'You don't want to know.'

.oOo.

Mello was carrying a large red sack, with all of the chocolate in it. He was about to take someone else's chocolate, but then he felt a pain in his butt. 'Owww! What was that?!'

Matt pulled out an arrow from Mello's behind. 'What sick freak would do this?'

It was when Matt spoke that Mello looked at him. Right then, he realized just how much he loved his best friend. Matt, however, didn't notice this; he was looking for whoever shot Mello. Right behind them sat Near, in a full Cupid outfit, holding a bow and arrow. 'There, I did my duty.'

Meanwhile, Mello was falling in love. 'Matt! Marry me!!!' Matt had often heard girls at the school using the word GLOMP, and thought that would express perfectly the action that Mello did. Throwing himself at his best friend, Mello put him in a vice-like grip and tried to kiss him.

'Gah! Get away!' Matt pulled out his Cupid-Killing-Gun and shot his friend with an aim so accurate, Mello would have surely been dead if he were a video game. But, the imaginary ammo worked in reversing the love arrow.

Mello pulled away immediately. 'Did that idiot shoot me with a love arrow?!' Matt nodded. 'I'm gonna kill him!!'

But, Near had long ago gotten bored of pretending to be Cupid and went to the other room to finish his puzzle. Mello was enraged for a second, until he fully realized what this meant. He turned back to the other students, with a truly evil smile. 'You won't be seeing Valentine's for a while.' He grabbed chocolate and cards with glee, 'And you won't be getting these back for free.'

The children were scared of the green Mello, as he took someone's red jello. If only Near hadn't been so bored, Mello wouldn't have gotten his hoard. In some places, love was in the air, but here Mello didn't care.

Matt, with his video game gun, thought that Valentine's this year was really quite fun. With his best friend as the Grinch, he was not unhappy, not even an inch. Valentine's was dead, yes, this was true. And that would stick, just like glue.

**So, I hope you all liked that! Man, making everything rhyme at the end was really hard!**


End file.
